remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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