you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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