Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
