I'm so fucking centered right now
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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