Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
