I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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