even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
