I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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