Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
