Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
His nipple licking is glorious
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