margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
