tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
