I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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