Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
