I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
