I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
