Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Buhtt sex?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
