i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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