I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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