I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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