rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
