How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
