I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
