Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
