Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize