Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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