He is such a slut. More and more my type.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
