I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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