All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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