Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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