after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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