I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
