i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
pop tarts are not kleenex
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
