just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
