How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
