Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
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Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
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i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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