my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.