I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips