All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.