I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?