New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.