You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.