Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
