yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?