Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
