I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
