omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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