If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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