I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
