How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
