Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
