I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
