Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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