FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
