Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
