the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
someone owes me an orgasm
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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