thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
