I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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