I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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