Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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