Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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