onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
