Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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