Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
