I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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