All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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