I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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