Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
