**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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