so explain again why im purple
no
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
