Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I looked at my own cervix.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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