dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
