His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
