You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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