Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
