Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
