shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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