Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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