There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
