I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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