I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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