I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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