she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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