Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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