I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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