My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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