he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex