Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.