i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls