he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.