Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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